What I'm Trying To Say

Heh.

I don't want to get into too much detail, but someone who really, really needs knocked off her high horse, may finally be getting that shove. I can only, hope anyway.

Don't get me wrong... I normally don't wish bad things on anyone... but if you knew the whole story, you would soooo agree with me. What could happen is something she brought on herself, the natural consequences of her actions.

I want to go into detail in the worst way, but it just would not be a very good idea... for now, anyway. We'll see what happens.

In other news, I'm officially back on my "happy pills" aka antidepressants, so, Yay for that!

Thanks everyone for your comments and advice and well-wishes.

Oh, and I totally blew the one photo every day thing. I am going to try again soon though.

I feel like crap.

I don't know why. I don't know if it's PMS, if it's the season change, if it's tiredness or work or what it is... maybe a combination?

All I know is, it sucks. I hate feeling like this. Maybe I'm just having a down day. It's dark, cloudy, and rainy after all.

Plus, I'm sick... not sure if it's allergies, a cold, a sinus infection.. and my husband is sick, and I just feel like... crap.

I feel like crying for no good reason. Nothing in my life is any different than it was, say, a week ago and I didn't feel like crying then. So, what gives?

I've been on and off depression meds since I was a teenager. Last Winter I needed them, and they worked. Maybe I need them again.

I really wish I didn't need to work today. Sigh.

I always have the best of intentions when I start blogging. But then, life just gets in the way and I'm never posting. I'm going to try not to do that here. Even If I don't have anything creative, deep, witty, or remotely interesting to say... I'm going to blog!

I think it's good therapy. But sometimes, I can't say what I want to say, because it's the internet and people can find you. Like, it's not a good idea if I used this place to vent about anything work related. Or family related. And face it, everyone has to bitch about work and family sometimes, right?

Let's see. Some other random things. I'm exhausted and going to bed soon, so sorry if this post is a little scattered. I'm still doing my photo every day thing. I'm taking at least one photo every day but can't always post them each day. The important thing is taking the photos each day, though. This has proven to be a little more difficult than I thought it would be, because sometimes you just don't see anything interesting... but, this forces you to try to look at everything around you, things you see every single day, in a new light. Still... I'm not going to be happy with every photo that makes it into my Daily Visuals project. It's just the nature of the beast, I suppose. Here's the last 3, for instance... for days 7, 8, and 9

... to get a shot of this butterfly for weeks !

Day 5 of my Photo 365 Project.

Reading A Magazine

It's kind of cheating I guess. It was a loooong day at work, Maya had gymnastics after that, I'm exhausted and haven't had time or energy for photo taking. I was flipping through a photography magazine, chillin out for the first time today, and I remembered... Oh! I have to take a photo today! So.. I took it, of what I was doing and seeing that very moment.

To everyone who commented. You are all soooo right.

I have always been the type of mom who lets her express herself, who tries to foster independence and individuality in her. I'm not sure why I started wavering recently. But, my eyes have really been opened again.

I knew this all along, I mean it's what I've been doing.
Now, time for some Mommy Bragging!

Maya won a math competition at school, and she won a reading contest, and she already passed the timed math tests they are suppose to be practicing. She's such a little smartie!  :)

Also, for all you parents out there who prefer "positive" discipline, (i.e. no spanking), I have created a group... Positive Parenting! Find it under my "groups" section and go join!!

In other news, I had to work today so my photo of the day is another co-worker. Presenting: Chuck! He is also a professional photographer, and I've done a few gigs with him, and one on my own for him.

Chuck!

How do you let your child be an individual, assert her independence, learn to make her own choices, and instill creativity and yet not leave the house looking like a clown or a homeless person?

This is my battle.

I want Maya to choose her own outfits, I want her to be herself, I want to instill individualism in her, I want her to have her own "style" and not just what I like. I also want her to know that people are more than just the clothes they where, I don't want her to be materialistic or snooty, stuck up fashion police officer when she gets older.

This was easy when she was younger, or in the summer. Mismatched colors, socks on your arms with finger holes cut out, wearing the same skirt every day (washed, of course!) - No Problem! She's a kid and it's healthy for her to have a sense of self and make her own choices. I could deal with the funny looks in the supermarket when she layered skirts over jeans and wore sparkly white "dress" shoes with a ratty t-shirt, or polka dots with stripes and plaid.

She's quite a character, and I just know she is going to make one hell of an adult someday. She's intelligent and funny, creative, caring and stubborn, energetic and independent,  typically a great listener  but still likes to argue,  well behaved but  for sure not  a wallflower or a doormat. She is a social butterfly and makes friends easily, has lots of friends in school and out of school.

But lately, now that she is back to school and in 2nd grade, I've had a huge issue with the clothing thing. I don't know who is right, who is wrong... probably both of use are a little of each. I'm still brainstorming and have come up with a few possible solutions, but I thought I would share this and see if anyone has advice!

I took her shopping for school clothes, let her pick what she wanted (although I did have to give a final approval... no 8 year old of mine is going to be walking around in belly shirts, for example) and even had her trying them on to make sure she liked the outfits and wanted them. She got a lot of cool stuff.

Yet, every morning she comes up with either:

 Wacky combinations... and not "cute, she picked out her own clothes!" wacky, but "OMG her mother let her out of the house wearing that??" wacky. I'm not one to worry about what others think... most of the time... and I certainly don't want Maya to turn into someone who worries what others think. But I can't help the feeling I get when I see her ready to walk out of the house like that!!

Or, she insists on wearing ratty looking "play" clothes instead of the new school clothes.

Or, she wants to wear the same outfit EVERY SINGLE DAY.

And she is stubborn. I can suggest other outfits, yadda yadda yadda, she is hell bent on wearing what she has chosen.

So... do I exert my power as her mother and tell her what she is going to wear, or tell her NO WAY to what she chooses? Or should I just let it go, and remember there are more important things in life, and who cares what anyone thinks or says?

I'd feel a lot better with her dressing anyway she wanted if she were a teenager. I wonder why that is.

Sigh.

Air Born

Day 3 of my Daily Photo Project!

I can try.

I've been meaning to try this project for some time now. My friend Brea from work does it, and talked me into it!

Soooo I joined the group here and at Flickr and, we;ll see how it goes!!!

Day One is dedicated to Brea!

Brea at Work

Here she is, in all her glory. I took this photo as work today. We were having too much fun.  I edited the photo using Picnik's  cross processing  feature. I think it's a pretty cool effect! Gives it a very lo-fi, vintage kind of look. Not perfect. Sometimes, not perfect is perfect.

I love my job!

Being obsessed with photography is easy when you work in a photo lab / camera shop. I'm surrounded by people who are also into photography. I am surrounded by awesome cameras, awesome gear, awesome equipment, I get to see so many cool photos (and a great deal of not so good ones, too... ah well, its all subjective anyway, right?), I meet interesting people and I love what I actually do there.

I've always felt there something almost magical about processing film. We get a ton of digital orders, but we get a lot of film too. Even our digital prints are done on photographic paper that can't touch the light and needs chemicals. Some labs are "dry" labs, no chemicals, just printers not much better than what we all have at home. That's part of what makes our lab so awesome... it's NOT a dry lab!! The quality is amazing.

So, there ya have it. Day 1 of 365!!